Black Diamonds and Pearls

I am not angry. I am upset because I don’t get the same respect that other’s do. Not because of the color of my skin but because the color of skin, being a female, growing up in poverty.

From my teenager days, all I ever wanted to feel was wanted. My mother was physically there but she was “angry.” My father was around; he came and went at his convenience. I have a sister but all she ever talked about was her boyfriend Jon-boy. So yea… I was neglected in that manner.

I do walk around carrying my attitude on my sleeve… not because I think it’s the latest trend but because I have to defend my honor. People take one look at me and believe that I am an angry woman. You don’t know my struggle. You have no clue what roads I’ve walked down and the obstacles I’ve jumped over.

You know what, I am angry and bitter and mad… I’ve been mentally abused… emotionally abused and even on some nights physically abused. I loved for all the wrong reasons and continued to pick the same type of guys over and over and over again. I did not realize my pattern but now I do. They would beat me then love on me. They would tell me I’m nothing but then kiss on me. All I ever longed for was to be loved on. That’s what got me to where I am now.

Depression, anxiety, suicidal, PTSD… you name it I feel like I’ve had it. No one takes me serious because of the way I… I basically carry myself you can say. But wait no; it’s not my fault. I cannot blame myself for what has happened to me. It’s everyone else’s fault around me. They all judged me when all I was doing was asking for help. I never asked directly though; maybe that’s why no one ever noticed.

My name is Courtney and I am 23 years old. I didn’t know what to do with myself; I didn’t know where to turn. So I took a bottle pills and ended what I thought was such a horrible life of mine… (TO BE CONTINUED)

 

(This is an exaggerated piece that will be continued on a weekly basis. Just to give you a short read with a bit of drama and mystery).

~Journie2woman

 

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